I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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