Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
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You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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