Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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