is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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