Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize