I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
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Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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