please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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