DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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