he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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