apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize