I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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