I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize