Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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