girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize