Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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