She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
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Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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