I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude i'm inner monologue high
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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