we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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