My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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