The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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