I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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