I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think my fart just growled at me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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