we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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