I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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