Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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