I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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