Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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