I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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