I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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