he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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