just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize