I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
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You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
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Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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