Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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