I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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