I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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