The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need to sanitize my soul.
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