i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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