I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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