you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
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He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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