It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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