if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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