You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
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he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize