If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
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Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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