Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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