playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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