There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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