I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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