just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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