I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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