if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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